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Talk about a door jam
April 1, 2014 5:54 AM

Help! I went for a meal at a friend's house. At first everything seemed so sweet, but now I'm stuck in this uncomfortable situation, half in, half out; friends no help at all. Wondering if any Mefites have lube suggestions?
posted by ohbother to Health & Fitness around (12 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Oh bother... You may have to wait this one out.
posted by dahliachewswell at 9:29 PM on March 31, 2014 [10 favorites]

If your friends alone can't help, perhaps they could call their relations?
posted by NoraReed at 11:43 PM on March 31, 2014 [1 favorite]

I don't have any suggestions but I do have some good grease. I'll be right over.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:45 PM on March 31, 2014

It all comes of not having front doors big enough. I'm afraid hahliachewswell is right: you might have to wait this out. Have a friend read you A Sustaining Book in the meantime.
posted by Elsa at 12:49 AM on April 1, 2014

If you really can't bear it, maybe try (sorry to be indelicate) poohing to decrease your intestinal bloating enough to get you through the gap. Good luck, honey!
posted by lollusc at 12:51 AM on April 1, 2014 [6 favorites]

Do you have any friends who might be able to blast it all away? You might have to ask around for his number. After all, he's not in the book, you know.
posted by IndigoRain at 2:01 AM on April 1, 2014 [3 favorites]

You could prevent this from happening again by getting into a regular exercise routine. It does wonders for stoutness.
posted by Gordafarin at 2:07 AM on April 1, 2014 [2 favorites]

Oh wow, was that your ass-as-mantle-decor I saw featured on DesignSponge yesterday?
posted by Asparagirl at 10:52 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

Remember that a bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.
But even though you might be far from slim, you should feel proud of being short and stout.
posted by RedOrGreen at 11:26 AM on April 1, 2014

Christ on a cracker, y'all. Does every thread that mentions weight have to turn into Hurf Durf Butter Eater? Maybe we can drop all the LOLfatties crap and answer the OP's question!

OP, do you have any glycerine or latex allergies? Which lubes have you tried before?
posted by MsMolly at 1:45 PM on April 1, 2014 [3 favorites]

I don't know about lubes, but there's a product called "the Rabbit" which you (or your friend) may be interested in. You can get it stuck in a very comfortable position if you choose.
posted by not_on_display at 9:23 PM on April 1, 2014

You never can tell, with bees.
posted by susiswimmer at 10:02 PM on April 1, 2014

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