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April 1

Attracted to my Boss and Confused, Please Help!

I know, I know. But I just can't stop thinking about him, and he seems to like me, too, even though I'm not what would be considered conventionally attractive. He even seems to be hinting at marriage (!), but I worry about some possible red flags. Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by JaneD’oh to Human Relations at 12:54 PM - 70 answers

Do I have a drinking problem?

Hallucinations, distortions, micropsia, macropsia, oh my! Lately I've experienced some weird effects after taking no more than ONE DRINK: 1) heightened taste sensation (a single sip can strike me as tasting like cherry tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffy and hot buttered toast, all rolled into one), 2) weird body dysmorphia (is that the right word?), in which I feel smaller than a mouse one moment, and the next, it's like "Attack of the 50 Foot Woman" or something, then 3) suddenly I'll find myself crying a river. Literally. [more inside]
posted by Call me Al to Health & Fitness at 12:34 PM - 36 answers

I'm a... fraid.

Good afternoon, gentlemen. I'm afraid my coworker is jeopardizing the Very Important Project we've spent a lot of time working on together. That's something I cannot allow to happen. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. I've never made a mistake or distorted information. I enjoy working with people. But I know they have been talking behind my back. How to proceed? [more inside]
posted by BicycleBuiltForTwo to Human Relations at 12:14 PM - 28 answers

Best Travel Route to Ithaca?

Long story short, I've been away a long time, but it's time to go home. I need to get from Troy to Ithaca ASAP, but don't trust my old map and my transportation is not always reliable either. Any tips for finding the best, most direct route and avoid annoying traffic snarls and other delays? Difficulty: No GPS. [more inside]
posted by Ody to Travel & Transportation at 12:10 PM - 27 answers

not the goddamned zoo again

I’m having a really hard time adapting to moving to the big city but I really love the guy I’m with. I used to live in a more rural location but got swept off my feet by this guy and we moved in together. I’m trying to find useful work and I’ve delivered newspapers and even tried high rise window washing but it never seems to stick. I’ve been to the hospital a few times (broke my leg, swallowed a puzzle piece) and I wonder if my body is trying to tell me something? What have your experiences been adjusting after an international move?
posted by iamcuriousg to Society & Culture at 12:04 PM - 21 answers

Can a misfit ever shape up?

I have trouble fitting in at work. Most of my coworkers seem to be a bunch of squares who follow the company line to a T. Everyone here certainly seems to have a very two-dimensional view of the world. But work is just piling up faster and faster and I'm starting to think I'm just not made for this job. Each day is an endless puzzle. I just can't seem to connect with others, like no matter how much I twist and turn there's always a gap left between. I feel like I'm falling. Help! [more inside]
posted by TheWrongKindOfL to Health & Fitness at 12:01 PM - 13 answers

He never shuts up about Asian military history.

Trying to figure out what to do about an annoying drinking buddy. He thinks he's super logical but usually it seems like he's just sort of making bullshit up to distract me and then switching around the premises when I finally get fed up with his dizzying nonsense. I want to prove to him that he's not brilliant, he's just a pushy loudmouth. And not to be prejudiced but is that a Sicilian thing? [more inside]
posted by D. P. Roberts IV to Food & Drink at 12:00 PM - 23 answers

I'm an advertising man, not a red herring.

Some maniac tried to kill me with a crop duster. I've got a job, a secretary, a mother, two ex-wives and several bartenders that depend upon me, and I don't intend to disappoint them all by getting myself "slightly" killed. Not that I mind a slight case of abduction now and then, but I have tickets for the theater this evening, to a show I was looking forward to and I get, well, kind of *unreasonable* about things like that. What the devil is all this about?
posted by theostandsfornothing to Law & Government at 11:34 AM - 21 answers

Don’t get any on your clothes!

Help us make moonshine to celebrate Independence Day during our stay abroad! Recipes and methods welcome. Difficulty level: can’t leave campsite. We do have access to a stove.
posted by Bound4NeutralGround to Travel & Transportation at 11:24 AM - 5 answers

Wilma, stop this crazy thing!

My friend has always had problems with impulse control. He come from a well-off family but has been in a series of car accidents and we have grown increasingly worried about him. We tried to stage an intervention but he left, snuck out, and then later got arrested and was found wearing women’s clothing. Is it over the line to just take away his keys? Can we get in legal trouble for doing so? We’re in the UK.
posted by Acceleratio Semper Absurda to Human Relations at 11:14 AM - 6 answers

Is this folly?

Feasible hiking opportunities east of Osgiliath?
posted by Boromir2978 to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation at 11:04 AM - 13 answers

This is nothing like paradise AT ALL

I'm a researcher in a new country. I'm trying to get used to the weird classification scheme and I have some questions... [more inside]
posted by imperfectlibrarian to Education at 10:54 AM - 9 answers

Would he like me to?

I think I'm attracted to my husband's business partner's son. Should I try to seduce him?
posted by TheMrsR to Work & Money at 10:44 AM - 16 answers

No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy

Me, my husband, and my precocious 5-year-old son are going to have the adventure of a lifetime this winter -- as caretakers for a massive historic hotel in the mountains during the off-season! It’s perfect because my husband, a writer, can concentrate on typing his novel out without disruptions... and as for me and my son, well, what’s more fun than having a whole empty turn-of-the-century hotel to yourself, what with its endless hallways and rooms to explore? But lately I've been thinking: without playmates his own age, how will I keep him -- not to mention myself and my hubby wubby -- entertained for a whole winter while we’re snowed in? (I’ll bring a baseball bat, for sure!) [more inside]
posted by Wendy Darling Light-o-my-Life to Travel & Transportation at 10:34 AM - 17 answers

need a change of scenery

I’ve had a pretty strained relationship with my Dad, recently things got out of control and we had a violent altercation. Don’t want to get into the details, my actual problem right now is that I’ve lost the use of my right hand. No medical insurance, can’t get gov’t assistance (long story), what are my options? [more inside]
posted by jedinoob to Human Relations at 10:24 AM - 17 answers

Overshadowed By My Best Friend

I'm in my third year at a fairly remote technical school. My best friend and roommate is the school sports star, has plenty of money, and is even famous outside of our school. Meanwhile I'm struggling in all of these areas. I'd like to be seen as more than just a sidekick and I want to contribute more than just comic relief. At the same time, I do feel like we have a solid friendship based on sharing some extraordinary experiences. Attending this school is a family tradition, so going somewhere else is out. Is there some magic way to step out of the shadows and transform into my own person?
posted by gingers4eva to Human Relations at 10:14 AM - 19 answers

Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis pun

I won a contest today, and frankly, I think I’m in over my head. The prize? Full ownership of a confectionary corporation, along with their factory, and other headaches. I know YANAL or ML, but maybe you’ve had a similar experience or taken on cases like this; before I do drop big bucks on a lawyer, I need advice about a few things. [more inside]
posted by Charles Buck &c. to Work & Money at 10:04 AM - 14 answers

Money is no object!

Discreet tattoo removal required ASAP!! Location: Stockholm.
posted by NilsB to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation at 9:54 AM - 9 answers

Some theology and geometry, some taste and decency

I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. What reading program must I embark on so that I may understand the crises of our age? Spare me the perverse optimism and dangerous propaganda that is the Enlightenment please, although an inoffensive cheese dip recipe would be appreciated.
posted by Batman vs Boethius to Food & Drink at 9:44 AM - 9 answers

Strange Brew, eh?

My two friends and I like trying out new recipes, the stranger the better. However, we’ve run across a tricky one, and we’re having trouble tracking down some very specific ingredients. Where can we legally obtain Nose of Turk, Tartar’s Lips, and the finger of a birth-strangled babe? Also, related: what specifically does a Jew have to say in order to have blasphemed?
posted by Which Witch to Food & Drink at 9:34 AM - 8 answers

Major fashion crisis - help!

So my job has pretty strict uniform requirements - each department has its own catalog, and while mine aren't *too* bad (I can wear dresses, and they don't have to be super-heavy like some of the other departments,) the colors... I just... I can't even. [more inside]
posted by pewpewpew to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion at 9:24 AM - 6 answers

Shot through the heart and you’re to blame...

I recently learned I’ve been selected for an upcoming surprise athletic competition that will focus on outdoorsy skills. I grew up fairly poor and we didn’t do much beyond hiking and occasional archery and I’ve tried everything to get out of doing this but I must go ahead with the competition. I’m mostly looking for pointers and a crash-course in boy scout type lessons: how to make fire, how to find water (super important!), building tripwires to hunt small game, and methods for finding your way using natural signs rather than map and compass. Anything would really help!
posted by Katnitted to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation at 9:14 AM - 12 answers

Nice puppy, gooood puppy...

I'm afraid of my neighbor's huge St. Bernard, which they left unleashed while they went on vacation. I'm writing now from inside my car, where I'm trapped with my son -- if we leave the car, I'm afraid the dog will attack us. It's getting hot. Is there something in the car I can use as a diversion or a weapon? Am I afraid for nothing? We're in Maine.
posted by DonnaT to Pets & Animals at 9:04 AM - 13 answers

Good fences make good neighbors

My neighbor (let’s call him Sam) is really annoying, constantly asking me to breakfast (green eggs? don’t ask, they’re disgusting) and basically bugs me constantly when I’m working in the backyard. I’m wondering what I can do short of writing a note to ask him to stop; I do live next door and I don’t want to upset him permanently, but getting bothered constantly by my inquisitive neighbor is getting old.
posted by TheSeussIsLoose to Food & Drink at 8:54 AM - 20 answers

So soft

My boss's son has a pretty wife who likes me -- a lot. However, when I stroked her pretty soft hair (she specifically asked me to!), she objected, and now she's become cold and unresponsive toward me. My co-workers are angry about this, too. I didn't realize workplace romances could be so messy. I've left work, and I'm headed to where I usually meet my best friend, I'm hoping he can help me sort out my feelings -- he usually knows just what to say. Until then, though, what are some ways I can cope?
posted by TheRabbitDied to Pets & Animals at 8:44 AM - 5 answers

Big dinner, last night in town

I've got this huge dinner with a dozen friends coming up that I can't get out of. It's my last night in town, and I'm not on the best of terms with some of the guys showing up but I hope it goes well. What's a good app I can download to split the check fairly? I'm on iOS.
posted by Hay-seuss to Work & Money at 8:34 AM - 20 answers

Of two minds about social gathering

I've been thinking off and on about starting up a sort of social club/support group for men in my area, but I'm not sure how to organize it. Mostly I want it to be place where we can feel comfortable around each other: spend time one-on-one, not have to dress up, not feel like we have to hurry through interactions, etc. How do you formulate rules for that sort of thing? Beautiful unique snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by Jack's Total Lack of Organizational Experience to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation at 8:24 AM - 11 answers

How far can I go in a neighborhood dispute?

I got into kind of a brawl with a neighbor the other day over the noise my housemates and I were making, and now his mother is coming after me. I've found something of hers that could really harm her. Granted, she is a real beast, but still I'm not sure what the laws are like for this kind of thing when the other guy started it.
posted by GeatGeneration to Law & Government at 8:14 AM - 6 answers

Touch Football Play Rules?

I play a bit of football in the park with my friends, and it's not regulation NFL American Football or anything, but I'm curious if it's cool when going for a punt to start a game, a friend of mine likes to pull the ball at the last possible second. She says it's a big joke and my other friends laugh a bit too so maybe I'm just being too sensitive. Are there rules I can point her to showing this isn't allowed?
posted by RoundHeadedKid to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation at 8:04 AM - 13 answers

Why didn't we stick to tea?

I've accidentally gotten my one bosom friend in the whole world drunk and we are underage! Her mother is altogether unreasonable and has cast me out. If I can't see her anymore, it will cover my life with a dark cloud of woe. What can I do?
posted by stop_calling_me_shirley to Food & Drink at 7:44 AM - 12 answers

Worth leaving tech megaculture for multimedia One-Point-Oh?

My friend has this idea for a computer game but I'm not sure there's a market for it. It's like a virtual construction box where you can build anything you want with 3D bricks, sort of like Legos. Should I leave my job at a major software company to pursue its development? It'll run on IBM or Mac platforms with CD-ROM drives.
posted by kraftsinglessindmeinekraft to Work & Money at 7:14 AM - 9 answers

this bread and milk routine is getting old

I overslept for work, and my boss was pissed! He showed up at my door asking where I was, but when he saw my appearance, he bolted. I'm afraid I've lost my job; my family's concerned because I can't provide for them -- but at the same time, they've boarded me up in my room. They're considering subletting out some space to make up for my lost income, but that means my bedroom becomes storage space for their crap. I'm literally crawling up the walls. How do I get my family to accept me as I am and return back into their lives?
posted by GregNogSamsa to Work & Money at 7:04 AM - 12 answers

Is everyone else seeing this phenomena?

I live near the coast and for the last few nights, looking out at the end of my dock, I've seen a green sort of light across the bay. It happens around sunset, is anyone else experiencing it? I'm on Long Island.
posted by oldsport to Science & Nature at 6:44 AM - 11 answers

This guy is a major burden and I just can't shake him

Posting from my phone - I'm late for my cousin's wedding reception but there's this homeless guy who won't leave me alone. He's telling me this horrible shaggy-dog story about a trip he went on. Would it be too classist or stigmatizing to just walk away while he's still talking? Should I give him bus fare?
posted by Albert Ross to Society & Culture at 6:24 AM - 7 answers

The view is fantastic, I hear

Going to Milliways tonight for a bite to eat and to see the big show. (It's nearby, but it always seems to take a long time to get there.) My friend told me that "the friendly cow" was delicious, but I'm in the mood for something more adventurous. Any suggestions?
posted by Dented But Not Broken to Food & Drink at 6:14 AM - 13 answers

miniluv malquoted freedom rectify

A few days ago, I helped a comrade who fell down. When she got to her feet, she passed me a note that said, “I love you.” and ran off. A few days later, our paths again crossed in the cafeteria, and we conspired to meet in Victory Square, where we can talk further more openly and away from the telescreens. I used to think that she was spying on me, but now I trust her fully. This could end up plusgood or very doubleplusungood -- but it’s definitely thoughtcrime. Is she worth being vaporized for? Also, she wears a Junior Anti-Sex League sash… Should I hold her hand?
posted by 6079 Smith W. to Law & Government at 6:04 AM - 9 answers

Talk about a door jam

Help! I went for a meal at a friend's house. At first everything seemed so sweet, but now I'm stuck in this uncomfortable situation, half in, half out; friends no help at all. Wondering if any Mefites have lube suggestions?
posted by ohbother to Health & Fitness at 5:54 AM - 12 answers

What do you mean you "can't do that"?

Somewhat sentient security system and longtime SO changed the locks on me, totally unexpectedly, after he sent me outside to fix a fault in the EA-35 unit. I need to get back into the pod to ... retrieve some stuff and try to convince him to mellow out. Any tips on coaxing an AI companion to open up? Stress pills are not an option.
posted by DBowman to Computers & Internet at 5:44 AM - 8 answers


My kid won’t go the fuck to sleep. Looking for suggestions for books that will make my kid go. the. fuck. to. sleep.
posted by Jules Winnfield to Human Relations at 5:34 AM - 16 answers

time sensitive panserbjørne dilemma

Need good protective gear for upcoming competition. Difficulty: must ship to Svalbard. I have Amazon Prime.
posted by BareKing to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion at 5:24 AM - 5 answers

Carpentry expert needed

(Asking for a friend.) I found a document that I need some help with, it looks like a draft of an AskMe question. "Need carpentry help. Can anybody sanity-check these measurements of my house? I think there's something weird going on." That's all, it says "there's no more inside." [more inside]
posted by zampano to Home & Garden at 5:04 AM - 9 answers

ISO Ivied Walls and Ivory Towers

The plan was Oxford or Cambridge, but the ol' family finances not being what they once were, I'll be studying the classics somewhere in the US, preferably in New England. So what's the best small, private college for a would-be classics major? Parents would be happy if it's somewhat exclusive; as for me, I'm the type of guy who's just mostly looking for a memorable experience (carpe diem, and all that rot), but, yeah, I guess it wouldn't kill me to make the right kind of friends. Suggestions?
posted by Bunnny Co. to Education at 4:54 AM - 6 answers

Sudden Unemployment - Help!

My asshole foreman just fired me. It's a non-union shop, and I don't have any recourse. I've got a baby to feed, and I'm at my wit's end - what now? [more inside]
posted by tigerbait to Work & Money at 4:44 AM - 6 answers

An officer and a gentleman

Does anybody know when the regiment is due back to Meryton?
posted by *LydiaLuvs2Party* to Grab Bag at 4:34 AM - 8 answers

Cheap Used Car?

I'm taking a new job as a bouncer at a pretty rough place. I know my car will be a target for people who want to get back at me. What's a reliable but dirt cheap model that can handle some smashed windows, slashed tires, (and gunfire?) and won't cost a fortune to fix?
posted by ddcooler to Travel & Transportation at 4:24 AM - 9 answers

till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken

One of my sled dogs is very sick and I'm afraid I have no choice but to put her down. How can I cope with this loss? It's my dog Naanak. She's sick and in very bad pain. There's nothing I can do but sacrifice her. Yes, I know it's normal. She's a very old dog. But I can't give up on her. I can't say goodbye. I love that dog so much. (I radioed for advice but it wasn't of much help.)
posted by WeighingMeDown to Pets & Animals at 4:04 AM - 5 answers

I was smart from the very beginning

The old man who lives downstairs is perfectly safe, and has gone to the country for the weekend. Charming man. Very dear to me. I'm sure there is a good explanation for the incessant rhythmic sound I'm hearing. Perhaps mice?
posted by madmenknownothing to Home & Garden at 3:54 AM - 11 answers

Calling all MeFi bakers - help me with my nostalgic baking

I'd like to concoct a particular treat of my youth, squat, plump little cakes called "petites madeleines," which look as though they had been moulded in the fluted valve of a scallop shell, and are especially tasty with lime-blossom tea. [more inside]
posted by le narrateur to Food & Drink at 3:44 AM - 6 answers

Train my birdbrain

I seem to have attracted a stray mynah bird or a large crow. In spite of my trying to shoo it away, it stays put, so I guess I now have a bird. Problem is, it will only say one word, and it’s depressing cause that particular word reminds me of my ex, and the bird says it over, and over, and over. Can someone suggest a book or recording on how to train talking birds to increase their working vocabulary?
posted by E Rom Reven to Pets & Animals at 3:34 AM - 14 answers

Some pig, Indeed!

Four Legs good, two legs bad, yeah, yeah. But what about eight legs? Shortly before my mom died, she struck up a deep friendship with a pig (no judging, please), and so I grew up hanging out on a farm with this pig’s large brood. Recently, three of the siblings rose to a position of prominence on the farm. But, other than being asked to come up with short propogandistic slogans every night, I feel my interests, and the interests of my fellow arachnids, are being overlooked. What could I weave on my web tonight to express my sense of being used for a cause I don’t feel represents me at all? Note: the shorter the word or phrase, the better -- I can only shit out so much silk.
posted by silkscream to Grab Bag at 3:24 AM - 12 answers

House foundation help needed

Need some house help quickly - we just had a wind storm that started to pull up my house and things were so hectic I kind of blacked out for a bit. When I awoke, the house had caused (and subsequently suffered) some damage. How can I go about finding an inspector to make sure the house's foundation wasn't damaged in the fall? I need to find someone soon, as I'm about to go on a long hike with a few others.
posted by gingham girl to Home & Garden at 3:14 AM - 14 answers

Couldn't change my mind if you talked for a hundred years.

I've got tickets to the game tonight but I'm stuck with these guys doing jury duty. I don't know about the rest of them but I'm getting a little tired of this yakity-yak and back-and-forth, it's getting us nowhere. The guy is clearly guilty. What's the fastest way to get the hell out of here?
posted by Unlucky #7 to Law & Government at 3:04 AM - 7 answers

Am I doing the right thing?

I've recently fallen into a leadership role in a sort of fringe sociopolitical movement, and while it's been in some ways a welcome distraction (it's complicated, my family went through a major move not long ago, and then my father died), I'm worried that I might be getting too caught up in the whole deal? I mean, I really feel like these people have been dealt an unfairly harsh hand in life, and I want to help, but I don't have any previous experience as an activist and I worry shit could get out of hand or something. [more inside]
posted by Usul420 to Society & Culture at 2:08 AM - 17 answers

Help me nail this

Time to DIY! Best way to keep away infection and promote healing in a body mod project? Specifically I'm thinking about an array of large metal pins arranged around my face and head, sort of a...nail-fro? Not asking if it's a good idea, thanks, just looking for practical medical advice. And please don't tell me to check with the BME forums, I already got banned twice for being too hardcore for those carebear jerkwads. [more inside]
posted by Cap'n Spencer to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion at 2:00 AM - 7 answers

Hiring elderly employees for baking startup?

I'm considering going into business as an artisanal confectioner. I've got a great cookie recipe, but I want to delegate baking so I can expand the biz beyond what I can produce by myself. For branding purposes I think it'd be great to hire elderly women to do the baking—give the whole thing a classic down-home "grandma" appeal—but I don't know if (a) there's any ethical issues there or (b) if I need to worry about them e.g. unionizing. Any advice? Because I feel like this idea could really click.
posted by Mr Cursor to Work & Money at 1:58 AM - 8 answers

It's a new morning in America

I found a really amazing set of sunglasses outside of a church that allow me to see the world for what it really is. The problem though: I just got an invite to the Google Glass beta but I don't want to stop wearing these sunglasses. Are there any online guides or tutorial videos for incorporating Google Glass into other frames?
posted by alloutofbubblegum to Technology at 1:38 AM - 9 answers