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Carpentry expert needed
April 1, 2014 5:04 AM

(Asking for a friend.) I found a document that I need some help with, it looks like a draft of an AskMe question. "Need carpentry help. Can anybody sanity-check these measurements of my house? I think there's something weird going on." That's all, it says "there's no more inside."

But then when you open it up there is some. (My friend didn't say any more than this, not sure what to make of that.)
posted by zampano to Home & Garden around (9 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
Is there a video recording of the affected space?
posted by Kwine at 9:53 PM on March 31, 2014

It's not really clear what your question is: are you asking for carpentry advice, or for help interpreting your friend's notes, or – let's be frank here – are you asking us to interpret your friend's state of mind? Please clarify so we can be as helpful as possible.

In the meantime:

I doubt you're asking about the measurements because that's so cut & dried: you measure the space and that's that. It's not like walls move around when we're not looking or constructed spaces shift in dimension.

Any previous inconsistencies are obviously due to measuring error or, if you were using two different tape measures, juuuuuuuust due to possibly manufacturing error in those measuring tools. If you really need a "sanity check," have two people measure the space using the same measuring tape. Voila, problem solved.

But it sounds like you're worried about your friend, since you're giving us his notes verbatim, and since his notes are not that clear, or maybe your notes aren't – it's not entirely obvious which ones are yours and which are his, especially with your use of quotes.

So. I'm guessing you're worried about your friend. And I'm going to suggest you calm down a little, right here and now. Try this: focus on these words, and whatever you do don't let your eyes wander past the perimeter of this page. Now imagine just beyond your peripheral vision, maybe behind you, maybe to the side of you, maybe even in front of you, but right where you can't see it, something is quietly closing in on you, so quiet in fact you can only hear it as silence. Find those pockets without sound. That's where it is. Right at this moment. But don't look. Keep your eyes here. Now take a deep breath. Go ahead, take an even deeper one. Only this time as you exhale try to imagine how fast it will happen, how hard it's gonna hit you your friend is doing juuuuuuuust fine. Just fine. No worries.

Now, think about your real question and post a follow-up



posted by Elsa at 11:59 PM on March 31, 2014 [46 favorites]

You're reading waaaay too much into everything. It could be a simple rounding error. Just go in there, hold out one hand so you keep in contact with the wall, and take a measurement. I recommend a Bosch DLR130K.
posted by 99percentfake at 4:52 AM on April 1, 2014

Sounds like a cool house.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:21 AM on April 1, 2014

Read the text again, it's probably full of hyperlinks that you just haven't noticed.
posted by tel3path at 6:52 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

Is this an older house? Often supporting beams will settle in the earth over time to the point where they're just not square.
posted by cortex at 7:13 AM on April 1, 2014 [16 favorites]

Y yo, materialista que no cree en el celeste cielo prometiDo para ningún humano, para Este perro o para todo perro creo en eL cIelo, sí, creo en un cielo donde yo no entrAré. Porque en ese minuto te habrás ido tan Lejos que yo cruzaré toda la tierra preguntando si volverás o si me dejarás muriendo. The truth is that I don't speak a word of this and I wouldn't if I was paid to, but some things can't be closed once they're opened, and fuck that. Et moi qui ne crois pas, matérialiste, au ciel promis, au ciel céleste pour aucun homme quel qu’il soit, pour ce chien ou tout autre chien je crois au ciel, oui, je crois en un ciel où je n’entrerai pas. Is that better now? What have I meant? Who haven't I minded? I Want this to meAn something, but I'm afraid iT doesn't. It's not like this is real or anything. There's no easy answer.
posted by Sequence at 12:54 PM on April 1, 2014 [3 favorites]

Is there a video recording of the affected space?

Previous questions indicate that OP is blind, so I don't know how that would help him. Please try to be more sensitive next time. It still may lead to a dead end, but my first step would be to list every possible architectural style, building component, or architect and see if that gets you started.
posted by LionIndex at 3:59 PM on April 1, 2014 [2 favorites]

It sounds like your friend is hallucinating -- has he been taking care of himself? Maybe take him out for a meal....
posted by tzikeh at 6:23 PM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

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