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No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy
April 1, 2014 10:34 AM

Me, my husband, and my precocious 5-year-old son are going to have the adventure of a lifetime this winter -- as caretakers for a massive historic hotel in the mountains during the off-season! It’s perfect because my husband, a writer, can concentrate on typing his novel out without disruptions... and as for me and my son, well, what’s more fun than having a whole empty turn-of-the-century hotel to yourself, what with its endless hallways and rooms to explore? But lately I've been thinking: without playmates his own age, how will I keep him -- not to mention myself and my hubby wubby -- entertained for a whole winter while we’re snowed in? (I’ll bring a baseball bat, for sure!)

We also have a whole restaurant-sized kitchen, a bar (though without any alcohol on the premesis; hubby is recovering)... and a meat locker! What kind of meat should I store in there, and how long will it keep?
posted by Wendy Darling Light-o-my-Life to Travel & Transportation around (17 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
posted by limeonaire at 9:28 PM on March 31, 2014 [9 favorites]

That sounds like all work and no play.
posted by gingerbeer at 9:44 PM on March 31, 2014 [12 favorites]

I'm not sure about your meat locker, but be warned -- usually the blood gets off on the second floor.
posted by lilac girl at 9:56 PM on March 31, 2014 [10 favorites]

Don't try to read the summer caretaker's mind between four and five. THAT'S WILLY'S TIME.
posted by Aquifer at 9:59 PM on March 31, 2014 [8 favorites]

Two birds with one stone: Have your son occupy himself gathering meat from various rooms of the hotel and then just store what he finds in the locker. When he finds all the meat, eat some and redistribute the rest for round two!

Hey, have you seen your son around lately? I'd heard Danny doesn't live there anymore, Mrs. Torrance.
posted by carsonb at 10:40 PM on March 31, 2014

You might want to see if Sherri and Terri will come play with your son.
posted by fshgrl at 11:13 PM on March 31, 2014 [1 favorite]

All your kid needs is a tricyle. Ask a few friends along and when you get tired of them, freeze 'em. They'll keep at least a few months.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:22 PM on March 31, 2014

I heard there was red rum available here. I would like to try it.
posted by loquacious at 11:53 PM on March 31, 2014 [2 favorites]

something, something
posted by telstar at 1:29 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

(I’ll bring a baseball bat, for sure!)

Are you sure you wouldn't prefer roque?
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:41 AM on April 1, 2014 [4 favorites]

It will go a lot better if you remember to take some Peter Gabriel albums with you
posted by Dr.Enormous at 3:02 AM on April 1, 2014 [4 favorites]

If I were you, I'd focus on finding how many ways you can rig up to communicate with the outside world. Don't neglect that old-fashioned radio! It can be very useful.

Also, a big hotel in a snowy area is bound to have a snowplow or even a Caterpillar truck. Why not teach yourself to drive that? Knowing you can make a quick getaway if you had to will also stop you from going stir crazy.
posted by tel3path at 6:41 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if your son is able to scare up a few of his own playmates! Forever!
posted by ChuraChura at 7:22 AM on April 1, 2014

Isolated living with family can be challenging sometimes-- you never know who has an axe to grind until you're trapped alone with them.
posted by Sunburnt at 7:40 AM on April 1, 2014 [2 favorites]

Your son can play with Tony, a little boy that lives in his mouth. I'm sure they'll have an a-mazing time!
posted by 40% Chance of Florence Henderson at 10:08 AM on April 1, 2014

Make sure to pack some really warm clothes for your son. It's not unusual for little boys to wander outside unexpectedly and subsequently get lost. Wouldn't want anything to happen to him out there in the cold.
posted by cnc at 10:31 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

You may be overlooking the obvious solution: is your son at the right age to have imaginary friends? If so, I'm sure he'll take a shine to his new surroundings.
posted by kewb at 1:53 PM on April 1, 2014 [2 favorites]

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