April Fools! Go to the real Ask MetaFilter.

Train my birdbrain
April 1, 2014 3:34 AM

I seem to have attracted a stray mynah bird or a large crow. In spite of my trying to shoo it away, it stays put, so I guess I now have a bird. Problem is, it will only say one word, and it’s depressing cause that particular word reminds me of my ex, and the bird says it over, and over, and over. Can someone suggest a book or recording on how to train talking birds to increase their working vocabulary?
posted by E Rom Reven to Pets & Animals around (14 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Did you try talking to it? Just pull up a chair and have a conversation!
posted by salvia at 10:21 PM on March 31, 2014

You seem really hung up on this ex, if a bird is bumming you out just by repeating a word. Are you in therapy?
posted by kagredon at 10:31 PM on March 31, 2014

Love the bird, hate the squawk?

posted by carsonb at 11:03 PM on March 31, 2014 [7 favorites]

Do you have any friends at the Goliath corporation? They might be able to get you away from the bird.
posted by NoraReed at 1:00 AM on April 1, 2014

I'm afraid you're stuck with it forevermore.
posted by IndigoRain at 2:04 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

I believe that bird may be a reincarnation of the Trashmen's lead singer. You may want to consult a psychic.
posted by solarion at 2:33 AM on April 1, 2014

Just throw it in that damn pit you complained about in your LAST askme.
posted by HuronBob at 2:51 AM on April 1, 2014 [9 favorites]

posted by Jacen at 7:28 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

Did you try a slight distraction, some mere action, another diction
On the raven-feathered creature that is causing your distress;
Could you fashion some enclosure, so as to keep your composure;
To away this fowl creation from outside your chamber door?
posted by Sophie1 at 7:33 AM on April 1, 2014 [10 favorites]

You might train the bird to make a sound like a large, beating heart under the floorboards.
posted by Riverine at 8:52 AM on April 1, 2014

At least it's not bells this time.
posted by maryr at 9:27 AM on April 1, 2014 [2 favorites]

You're in Baltimore, right? Put on a football game-- it's very likely a fan of the local team.

Back up plan: feed it some Spanish wine, and when it's properly soused, brick it into a wall in your cellar. Works every time.
posted by Sunburnt at 10:50 AM on April 1, 2014 [4 favorites]

Purple is kind of a weird color for curtains. Maybe the bird would go away if you'd pick a more dapper drape.
posted by nat at 4:35 PM on April 1, 2014

Give it to this guy for his collection. And remember, if he starts yakking, you've got a wedding to go to.
posted by mono blanco at 5:56 PM on April 1, 2014

« Older Four Legs good, two legs bad, ...   |  I'd like to concoct a particul... Newer »
This fake thread is closed to new jokey comments.