He never shuts up about Asian military history.

April 1, 2014 12:00 PM

Trying to figure out what to do about an annoying drinking buddy. He thinks he's super logical but usually it seems like he's just sort of making bullshit up to distract me and then switching around the premises when I finally get fed up with his dizzying nonsense. I want to prove to him that he's not brilliant, he's just a pushy loudmouth. And not to be prejudiced but is that a Sicilian thing?

It doesn't help that he stole my girlfriend. But trust me, she's not even happy with him. God, and his stupid friends keep giving me a hard time too. This shit is taking years off my life, man.

posted by D. P. Roberts IV to Food & Drink around (23 answers total)

I've got an idea, but it would take at least a few years of preparation.
posted by mbrubeck at 9:25 PM on March 31, 2014 [11 favorites]

But you'd have no fears of your libation.
posted by zamboni at 9:49 PM on March 31, 2014 [5 favorites]

It doesn't help that he stole my girlfriend. But trust me, she's not even happy with him.

Look, if she's with him willingly, he didn't "steal" her. (And if she's not with him willingly, there are bigger problems here than your rivalry with this guy.) But don't worry; if it's true love, it has a way of working out. Even death cannot stop true love, just delay it for a little while.

This shit is taking years off my life, man.

Life is pain, buddy. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
posted by Elsa at 10:27 PM on March 31, 2014 [20 favorites]

Yeah, it's totally a Sicilian thing. Never trust a Sicilian when death is on the line.
posted by carsonb at 10:35 PM on March 31, 2014 [10 favorites]

He probably can't even conceive that anyone's smarter than him, but you seem like you're just the guy to use that overconfidence against him.

But I probably don't know something that you do; I am not right-handed.
posted by one more dead town's last parade at 10:50 PM on March 31, 2014 [2 favorites]

I know this is pedantic, but my racist Florinese mother (aka the Queen of Garbage) always told me to "never go in against a Sicilian" when death is on the line. But she was usually stoned on iocane.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 10:50 PM on March 31, 2014 [2 favorites]

DTMFA
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:11 PM on March 31, 2014 [3 favorites]

Do you know if he knows that you feel this way? Maybe he knows that you know that he knows that you feel this way, which is why he's acting like this.

But what do I know? I'm Australian. As everyone knows, Australians are not to be trusted.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 12:57 AM on April 1, 2014 [6 favorites]

I think his friends might be willing to help you out -- they probably don't like him either. Do you have any Iocane powder handy?
posted by jeather at 5:31 AM on April 1, 2014

I know how you can annoy him... perhaps you could annoy him enough to get rid of him?

Anybody want a peanut??
posted by Grither at 6:08 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

Trust me, I can relate.

Just follow him around a bit, you'll get what you need.
posted by inigo2 at 6:41 AM on April 1, 2014 [4 favorites]

Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Eventually you'll part ways. Then, go back to the beginning.
posted by bleep at 6:43 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

Sorry, not advice, just my sympathies. I know the type. I bet he also keeps using words which do not mean what he thinks they mean.
posted by pianissimo at 7:00 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

You can outsmart him, regardless of how inconceivable it may seem!
posted by xenophile at 7:06 AM on April 1, 2014

See if you can turn the conversation from Asian military history to the Arab-Israeli conflict. That's a subject for discussion that always goes over well.
posted by Rob Rockets at 7:23 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

I know your type, and I'm going to give you a reality check about the girlfriend. In your besotted state, you were a pushover for this girl-- "whatever you say, princess" this, and "as you wish," that. She knows you're waiting for her, and doesn't come to you, so that means you're missing something she's after. Part of her doesn't even know you're alive, because you don't offer her the adventure, romance, and fantasy she desires.

You don't have to stop treating her like a princess, far from it. You've just got to up your game in the excitement department. You need an affectation of some kind, something dashing, you know? Swashbuckling, almost.
posted by Sunburnt at 7:33 AM on April 1, 2014

[This is a followup from the asker.]

Thanks for the help so far, I actually ended up resolving that situation, we talked it out and had a good laugh and that was the end of it.

Followup question, though: particularly nice areas to see in the fire swamp? I've read about it but never been; really interested in seeing the scenery but Yelp has basically nothing to go on.

posted by cortex at 7:44 AM on April 1, 2014 [9 favorites]

Go to the Petting Zoo of Unusual Size. After that, have fun storming The Castle.
posted by 40% Chance of Florence Henderson at 9:45 AM on April 1, 2014 [2 favorites]

I'd recommend a Maine Coon for dealing with the ROUSes.
posted by fraula at 11:36 AM on April 1, 2014

AskMe isn't really for unrelated followup questions. If you can't remember the rules of AskMe, how can we expect you to remember the rules of the fire swamp? It's inconceivable that you'd come out alive.

Scolding aside, the trees are quite lovely.
posted by mountmccabe at 12:41 PM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

Scalding aside, so's the swamp.
posted by maryr at 1:17 PM on April 1, 2014 [3 favorites]

It depends on what kind of Asian military history he likes to talk about. Iraq? Vietnam? Vladimir Lenin? Maybe he's just still stuck on his Jewish ex-wife. I don't know that it's a good idea to dismiss him so easily, he might end up being really helpful if you run into some nihilists.

Hm, after reading more of the question I'm not sure my answer really fits, but just throwing it out there.
posted by A dead Quaker at 6:26 PM on April 1, 2014

It's not so much about what to see in the fire swamp, but how you should be seen. Think 80s. Shoulder pads are in, man.
posted by Athanassiel at 10:34 PM on April 1, 2014