I was smart from the very beginning

April 1, 2014 3:54 AM

The old man who lives downstairs is perfectly safe, and has gone to the country for the weekend. Charming man. Very dear to me. I'm sure there is a good explanation for the incessant rhythmic sound I'm hearing. Perhaps mice?
posted by madmenknownothing to Home & Garden around (11 answers total)

I'm thinking orangutan.
posted by LionIndex at 10:31 PM on March 31, 2014 [5 favorites]

I suspect that the chair in which you're sitting lies on a loose floorboard, so every time you nervously tilt your chair onto its back legs, when you bring it back down, it pounds, pounds, pounds against the floorboard. Just wait patiently for your guests to leave, if you can -- try idly chatting them up in casual boring conversation until they take off. Until then, though, you'll probably hear the pounding grow louder and louder.
posted by not_on_display at 11:18 PM on March 31, 2014 [2 favorites]

I wonder what you're not telling us about your neighbor. Are you quite certain he didn't curse you with his filmy evil eye?
posted by lovecrafty at 11:45 PM on March 31, 2014 [2 favorites]

This is springtime and the roaches are beginning to get frisky. The larger ones like to move into an unoccupied house and fool around when no one can see them. And with the lights off they do get up to some energetic antics.

Seal up your foodstuffs and keep your light on so they won't come over to your house.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:56 PM on March 31, 2014

I think you just need to relax, especially if you have guests round. Try going down to the winecellar and seeing if you have a cask of anything good in?
posted by daisyk at 3:22 AM on April 1, 2014 [4 favorites]

Don't let anyone call you crazy! Tear up the floorboards if you have to - you don't have to live with this kind of thing.
posted by moonmilk at 6:46 AM on April 1, 2014 [3 favorites]

Are you in an area prone to floor alligators? The recent global warming has caused a surge of floogats. Call a professional ASAP.
posted by Jacen at 7:28 AM on April 1, 2014

I suggest you get a crow or mynah bird to keep you company.
posted by Riverine at 8:53 AM on April 1, 2014 [3 favorites]

It may be more than rats; a friend of mine had similar trouble and it turned out there was a live cat inside the wall! And in Italy, they even found some guy from a couple centuries back who'd been walled in. Based on his clothes, they think he might've been a jester or something. (Sorry for the trigger if anyone's afraid of premature burials.)
posted by kewb at 1:44 PM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

Has he gone to the country, or "gone country"? If it's the latter, he may have Alan Jackson in his apartment. Hard to get rid of. I'd start looking for a new place if I were you.
posted by Kabanos at 2:09 PM on April 1, 2014

Seriously, it's just hobo's having sex. They will be done soon, and usually they leave, as the guilt of their love lingers in the room, driving away all life.
posted by QueerAngel28 at 6:54 AM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]