Some maniac tried to kill me with a crop duster. I've got a job, a secretary, a mother, two ex-wives and several bartenders that depend upon me, and I don't intend to disappoint them all by getting myself "slightly" killed. Not that I mind a slight case of abduction now and then, but I have tickets for the theater this evening, to a show I was looking forward to and I get, well, kind of *unreasonable* about things like that. What the devil is all this about?
posted by theostandsfornothing at 11:34 AM - 21 answers

I got into kind of a brawl with a neighbor the other day over the noise my housemates and I were making, and now his mother is coming after me. I've found something of hers that could really harm her. Granted, she is a real beast, but still I'm not sure what the laws are like for this kind of thing when the other guy started it.
posted by GeatGeneration at 8:14 AM - 6 answers

A few days ago, I helped a comrade who fell down. When she got to her feet, she passed me a note that said, “I love you.” and ran off. A few days later, our paths again crossed in the cafeteria, and we conspired to meet in Victory Square, where we can talk further more openly and away from the telescreens. I used to think that she was spying on me, but now I trust her fully. This could end up plusgood or very doubleplusungood -- but it’s definitely thoughtcrime. Is she worth being vaporized for? Also, she wears a Junior Anti-Sex League sash… Should I hold her hand?
posted by 6079 Smith W. at 6:04 AM - 9 answers

I've got tickets to the game tonight but I'm stuck with these guys doing jury duty. I don't know about the rest of them but I'm getting a little tired of this yakity-yak and back-and-forth, it's getting us nowhere. The guy is clearly guilty. What's the fastest way to get the hell out of here?
posted by Unlucky #7 at 3:04 AM - 7 answers