Good fences make good neighbors
April 1, 2014 8:54 AM

Have you tried them? Perhaps if you went to breakfast once, that would be acting neighborly and get your neighbor off your back.

Besides, you might like green eggs. Especially with a little ham.
posted by leahwrenn at 9:27 PM on March 31, 2014 [8 favorites]

Oh, come on. Under NO circumstances would you even consider giving this breakfast a shot?
posted by town of cats at 9:51 PM on March 31, 2014 [10 favorites]

I'm going to offer a sort of orthogonal approach, but one that works very well for me in particular: You need to expand your horizons and start using the letters that come after "Z," beginning with "Yuzz." I think you'll find that once you get comfortable with this extended alphabet, unusual breakfasts will pose no problem.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 10:14 PM on March 31, 2014 [1 favorite]

I hope you've told your neighbor, clearly and concisely and above all consistently, that you DO NOT LIKE THEM. If you're determined not to try them, don't let him pester you into it.

If he urges you 100 times to try them and you acquiesce the 100th, you've just taught him that he just has to pester you 100 times before you give in.

The Gift of Fear is a common and well-deserved AskMe rec, and with good reason. Does your neighbor give you fear? Does he when you see him near? Does he pester you with stuff? Do not put up with his guff.
posted by Elsa at 10:17 PM on March 31, 2014 [47 favorites]

this sounds like an ask vs. guess issue to me tbh.
posted by threeants at 10:23 PM on March 31, 2014 [9 favorites]

You could try switching from defense to offense, maybe offer to make a meal for him? Cook up one or two fish, butter some bread?
posted by cortex at 10:39 PM on March 31, 2014 [2 favorites]

Experiencing a new food can sometimes be like experiencing a new culture. Just think of all the places you'll go!
posted by W.S (disambiguation) at 10:42 PM on March 31, 2014 [3 favorites]

When a fox is in the bottle where the tweetle beetles battle with their paddles in a puddle on a noodle-eating poodle, THIS is what they call a "tweetle beetle noodle poodle bottled paddled muddled duddled fuddled wuddled fox in socks," sir!

on preview: i posted this answer in the wrong thread. flag away, delete.
posted by not_on_display at 11:46 PM on March 31, 2014 [1 favorite]

I think perhaps it's actually your backyard that's the issue. Maybe you'd like his breakfast foods if you tried them somewhere else? Have you tried them in a train? Have you tried them in the rain? Have you only tried them here, or have you tried them there?

You might surprise yourself.
posted by lollusc at 12:59 AM on April 1, 2014 [2 favorites]

The CDC guidelines are clear on this: once your eggs have turned green, they are no longer safe to eat. Tell your neighbor to toss those bad boys unless he wants to spend the next few days learning just how many places he'll go when he's suffering from explosive diarrhea.
posted by drlith at 5:51 AM on April 1, 2014 [2 favorites]

Sam is harassing you, simple as that. All the answers telling you to agree to breakfast with him are flat-out wrong and symptomatic of a horrible problem in our culture. Unfortunately, you have very few options other than packing up and moving somewhere where you won't encounter troubles such as these. Consider a city on the banks of the beautiful river Wah-Hoo.
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:40 AM on April 1, 2014 [3 favorites]

This is clearly a communications issue - perhaps you should ask your neighbor if the word "no" exists in their limited vocabulary.
posted by antonymous at 6:51 AM on April 1, 2014

Sam obviously suffers from a mental disorder, and you should compassionately urge him to see a doctor.
posted by xenophile at 7:21 AM on April 1, 2014

Call the police. But first, document document document. This campaign of harassment will not shall not come to stay. Sam will not shall not have his way.
posted by MsMolly at 9:02 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

Invite him over for roast beast. That should shut him up.
posted by FelliniBlank at 9:08 AM on April 1, 2014

Are you sure Sam is asking about "breakfast"? Or does he have more in mind? Has he suggested walks in the rain, or a train trip somewhere, or maybe a boat ride?
posted by RedOrGreen at 10:46 AM on April 1, 2014

It feels like Sam is maybe interested in more than breakfast. Have you considered Polyamory? If that doesn't work out, you should just move right to DTMFA. If he continues to harass you, Call the Police. I'm sorry that it might get to that point, but if it does, you should consider Therapy.

Oh, and I am not your Doctor and I am not a Lawyer.
posted by cnc at 10:57 AM on April 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

You should break this down into separate issues.
The fact that he's bothering you is Thing 1.
The fact that the eggs are green is Thing 2.

I'm sure you'll find a solution when you think about it this way.

And if not, you may need to move. Don't let this thought scare you, think of it as an opportunity. Oh, the places you'll go!
posted by Too-Ticky at 5:14 AM on April 2, 2014 [1 favorite]

What about Thing 3?
posted by u2604ab at 9:10 AM on April 2, 2014

This fake thread is closed to new jokey comments.